January 1, 2016

What is your number one goal for this year?

My number one goal for this year is to feel like myself again.

I’m not sure what exactly happened, but a couple of months ago I really started feeling not like myself. It was probably caused by a lot of things. I was feeling really anxious about finances because I wasn’t able to work as much as I used to because of my school schedule. I was taking a lot of difficult classes as well, and I wasn’t doing as well in them as I wanted to be doing. I felt really defeated and stupid and like I wasn’t any good at the one thing that I really need to be good at. I started to feel really isolated and lonely because I felt like I had no one to talk to who could relate to me or understand what I was going through. My relationship became very strained, emotionally draining, and confusing. So much of my time the last couple of months has been spent fighting and feeling depressed about how things have changed between us and if we can ever be the same. I feel like if things don’t get better I will always blame myself. I feel like I lost myself last year, and I’d really like to spend this year finding myself.

Luckily, my school schedule worked out a little better so that I will be able to work enough so I feel comfortable. I am even considering getting a second job or, depending on the situation, just changing jobs. We will see what happens there. The classes I’m taking this semester are probably going to be difficult, but I’m really excited for them and think that they will be super interesting. I’m hoping that will keep me motivated and I will start succeeding at the level that I want to for myself. I’m really hoping that if I start doing better at one thing, or a couple of things, it’ll just be a domino effect and I will find myself again.

 

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